The Art of Letting Go – 5 Simple Steps to Letting Go and Living Life
In any spiritual path one follows, inevitably, the idea of letting go rears its head. Why is it so important? Why is it so difficult? As women spiritual leaders we can face this conundrum in a myriad of ways. Not only on our own path, but also when dealing with others – for example when we are ministering to our people, we must approach them free of expectations and requirements; in many forms of meditation, we are asked to let our thoughts go as they appear; in counseling sessions, we must let go of preconceived projections and outcomes.
What are some of the things we need to let go of? Well, the list is infinite, but here’s some food for thought: shame, guilt, fear, anger, bad relationships, expectations, grief, resistance, dependency…
And through all of this letting go, the mind is clinging with fierce determination to what it knows. “The devil you know is better (safer) than the devil you don’t!” we exclaim. The dangerous unknown lurks in front of us like an abysmal hole. The purpose of the mind or Ego is to keep us safe – that part of ourselves will do whatever it takes to accomplish its mission of keeping us safe from harm – and what could be more unsafe than the unknown or change? However, a full cup cannot be filled with something new – it must be emptied first. Let go!
If we can allow ourselves to open up with grace (or without, as the case may be) and trust to the unknown and something different, what we find is a whole new world of options and possibilities. The Divine has more in store for us than we can imagine for ourselves, but our job is to have faith and let go!
The question is how? How can we let go when our “monkey mind” is clinging tight to its vine? There are 5 simple steps to easing into faith and “letting go and letting God”:
1. Label that part of yourself that is afraid. Give it a name and make it as real in your mind as possible. This gives you something to focus on.
2. Let it express its fear through journaling or meditation.
3. Speak to it gently as you would a frightened child. Don’t dismiss it – it will only cry louder!
4. Get silent and still so that you can hear the still, small voice within – this is what will tell you your next step, if any.
5. Breathe! It is so important during these times of change to remember to breathe.
By giving voice to your fears, you allow that voice to know it’s being listened to. Only then can it begin to be comforted. Then the monkey can finally let go of that vine – that’s the only way you’ll be able to catch the next vine – much like a trapeze artist, in order to catch one trapeze the artist must let go of the one they are holding and trust that the one they need will be where it needs to be when they let go.
Remember that when a window is closed, a door is opened. Go ahead, close that window! Let go and live life!
This article was written by Patricia Selmo, an Interfaith seminarian, certified life coach, spiritual healer, teacher and guide. She is the co-founder of the International Association of Women Spiritual Leaders: www.iawsl.com.
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Tags: letting go, Ministry, sacrifice, Trust
January 26th, 2010 at 7:29 pm
I love you babe this was good.
Mom
January 27th, 2010 at 9:40 pm
Patricia I love your way of ‘letting go’ with gentleness. So many of us tell ourselves to ‘let go’ while we clench out jaws!
Great stuff!
Lynn
January 27th, 2010 at 10:18 pm
I love the idea of letting your fear have a name and then writing to it or about it. Great idea!
Sue Painter
January 27th, 2010 at 11:22 pm
Letting go is such a deep process. Sometimes it feels like it will take forever, and then there are magical moments where it just floats away.
Thank you for talking through this process and making it easier for those magical moments to happen.
January 27th, 2010 at 11:53 pm
It is so great to run across this post. “Letting Go” is very much on my mind. In fact, I am in the middle of composing my newsletter for the coming week on this very topic! I agree wholeheartedly that it is important to lovingly let go of whatever no longer serves us. It is something I do on a regular basis, and what better time to do it than early in a fresh, new year to make room for all the wonderful fresh, new experiences that are to come! Thanks for your step-by-step technique! ♥ Katherine.
January 28th, 2010 at 11:41 am
Patricia,
It is astonishing how often we just plain forget to breathe! Fabulous article, thank you.
Terry
January 28th, 2010 at 5:28 pm
This is very original. I have never heard of your first step by giving your “issue” an actual name. I will try that next time when the need arises. Hopefully not too soon!
Thanks for this great bit of information.
January 28th, 2010 at 11:40 pm
Patricia,
What a wonderful article. I have personally experienced the truth of your statement that if we can allow ourselves to open up and trust the unknown, a whole new world of options and possibilities opens up. It is easy to give in to fears and limit our own possibilities. I love your 5 steps — I’m going to tape it to my computer so I see it every day!
Warmly,
Jessica
January 29th, 2010 at 1:31 am
Hi Patricia,
I love how you said, “Speak to it gently as you would a frightened child.” We’re often get caught up on being so strong that we forget to be extra gentle with ourselves during transitions. Thank you!
http://www.mommychick.com
January 29th, 2010 at 4:43 am
This is beautiful – trusting and stepping into the unknown can be overwhelming -I love the idea of giving voice, naming and nurturing our fear to quiet that monkey mind and let go. I also love your comment that a full cup cannot be filled with something new. As a parent too, I find myself ‘letting go’ often – letting go of expectations for myself, my children and letting them also go on their jouneys and accepting the changes that brings to my life. It is a big life lesson -thankyou for this lovely perspective.
January 29th, 2010 at 11:16 am
Patricia,
You are such a gift to us. Thanks for the reminder to be gentle with ourselves. As my own harshest critic I need this reminder. Especially the reminder to “let go”. Whenever I do “let go” I am in the flow — things happen so naturally and seamlessly. I can always tell when I’m blocking myself because the energy changes and a struggle begins. I believe this is more common with entrepreneurial woman than we’d like to admit.
Thanks for sharing your techniques.
Write on!~
Lisa
January 30th, 2010 at 2:43 pm
Patricia
I love the 5 steps and find journalling, being quiet and breath to be very helpful for me but love your suggestion to label it and speak to it (gently too)! Very powerful stuff – thank you
Trudy
January 31st, 2010 at 8:52 pm
Thanks for your wisdom. In our tendency to rush around all day every day and be so connected with all of the electronics, this is a good wake up call. Tune it out and follow your steps one at a time. I feel peaceful and at ease now.
Need to print this out and put it somewhere so I see it often.
February 5th, 2010 at 10:54 am
So very well said. Much of our tradition/society doesn’t give us permission to do this and just giving people the permission and gentle guidance to address those fears is very powerful. Thanks!
Phil