Women Spiritual Leaders and the Men We Love…
Wednesday, July 7th, 2010“Ice Ice Baby”… That was the headline for a communiqué I received this week from one of the financial newsletters I subscribe to. You can imagine that it grabbed my attention! As I read the article my blood ran cold… no, turned to ice.
Please allow me the time because I think this is of interest to every woman and man. And that is not hype!
Marc Lichtenfeld, Healthcare Specialist, wrote about a phenomenon which is washing over our college campuses and across America called “Bros Icing Bros”. It is a game, obviously played only by young men. I can only shudder to imagine that it may be climbing up the age ladder.
The name of the game is “icing”. One guy (bro) gives a “Smirnoff Ice” to another bro, the recipient of which has to get down on one knee and “chug” the “Smirnoff Ice”. This exchange can happen anywhere at any time.
Should the ‘bro’ recipient refuse, as Marc explains, “they break a ‘man code’ and face ridicule, scorn and excommunication from the tribe for eternity.”
He goes on, “of course there are ways to protect yourself. You can present your attacker with your own bottle of “Smirnoff Ice”, making him chug both bottles. The internet is filled with stories and videos of bros getting iced in inconvenient places such as the shower, work, the gym, even a funeral”.
And here is the nubbin…
“But why Smirnoff Ice and not a Bud Light? The answer lies with ‘Smirnoff Ice’s’ target market – women. ‘Smirnoff Ice is a sweet alcoholic beverage, akin to a Cosmopolitan or an Amaretto Sour. You know, girlie drinks. So forcing a bro to chug a ‘Smirnoff Ice’ in public is considered side-splittingly emasculating”……. (vis a vis the bro getting down on one knee).
My response to this whole phenomenon initially was one of sadness. Haven’t we come farther in having men acknowledge, if not honor and integrate the feminine? Why is it that these young men have to act out their fear of being considered less than ‘macho’ with this ritual which on the face of it appears to demean women, but in the final analysis, who is it demeaning? 
We, as a culture so accustomed to alcohol and the role it plays in our social fabric, may look at this phenomenon as boys and young men having “fun” and participating in another bizarre rite of passage. But I urge us to look deeper.
While I acknowledge the fact that there are many young men who refuse to participate, or quietly go their own way, the numbers of men who are taking part in and perpetuating this ritual have caused the sales of ‘Smirnoff’ to soar for its parent company, ‘Diageo’.
Why is it that our young men feel they have to demean women? Have we taught them to deny the feminine aspects of themselves? What kinds of messages have we been giving these men upon whom so much of our society will depend in the future?
I certainly don’t have the answers to these questions, but I ask you to think about them as they relate to the men you love, especially the young ones in your circle. It might even be beneficial to discuss this “icing” as it might be an opening to rich dialogue.
I plan to do just that with my sons-in-law Alex and Rod and my grandson, Devon.
Love and Blessings!
Ruth
Ruth Reiner is an ordained minister in the Interfaith tradition, spiritual counselor, professional nurse, certified life coach, and successful entrepreneur. She is president and co-founder of ‘The International Association of Women Spiritual Leaders’. Ruth has two adult daughters with families/four grandchildren.
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